Monday, 7 February 2011

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

ELAINE IN THE FAB HOUSE!

Acting Beauty Editor, Elaine Shobanjo, touches on one you may relate to...

We've all heard it before, girl fights her true girlfriend over a man and in the end, loses a good friend and keeps a...err...not so good man.

This maybe a controversial topic but its fresh on my mind for a reason. I'm not here to bash any men (or women) or say what's right or wrong. Just having a lil' lighthearted chat with my amazing FAB readers :)

Here goes....

So last Wednesday, I was watching JERSEY SHORE on MTV. Yes I watch a bit of tv...so what?!

Just a little history to help you understand where I'm going with this. Sammi (girl) and Ronnie (boy) have been dating for a while now (spanning over 2summers).



At 1st it was all good but things got sour and Ronnie messed around.

Snooki and J-Woww (these names!! Jeez! Anyhoo, these are 2 girls) had been close to Sammi and felt guilty knowing Ronnie was messing around behind her back. So, they wrote an anonymous note to her, spilled the beans in it, Sammy found it, sh*t hit the fan, the truth about the 'authors' came out and you guessed it!!! Sammi ditched her 'loyal' friends for her man.





This got me thinking. Should one tell his/her friend the truth about their partner (if they have seen some wrong doing 1st hand) or should this 'witness' just keep shut??! Will that be betraying?

Most times, the 'good' friend who thinks he/she is doing his/her friend a favour by telling on the deceitful partner, gets black listed!

Why is that? If it were you, will you tell? And will you want to be told?
We want to hear from you....

11 comments:

  1. If you are my good friend and i saw your boo cheating on you (not hear say o) i'll tell you.It's up to you to do whatever you want to do with the info. If you black list me, then thats your fat chance. Most girls will choose the guy and believe his lies anyways.Most guys will mess with the girl's head and tell her that "your friends are only jealous".sigh!

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  2. Love it. Sooo true. I once told a friend about her man & she carried on wit him anyway so the nxt time I caught him on more than 1 occasion I left them to it & didn't say anything. She soon found out the truth from another friend & found out I knew & she decided I was a bad friend /:). Woteva! Couldn't care less >:/

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  3. I was going to say 'Chicks will always be chickas - seeing is believing' in a sarco kinda way. But, I have put myself in the victims shoes here and I think that I would believe someone who said she saw my boo cheating, if they were a DEAR friend of mine. The coomon sense strategy is to have your spying camera on, once you start hearing this sort of thing about ur partner - that is what a genius like me would do!!! Oops, I forgot, Geniuses do not hate *Loser Player Cheats*. Damn! and dats enuff of wearing these messed up shoes *wink*

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  4. I do not want to know if my boyfriend is cheating on me. As they say what you do not know would never hurt you. If he threats me like a queen and he cheats behind my back, even the girl his sleeping with would know that I am his woman then its all fine and good. what we girls should acknowledge is that men would always cheat.It is the degree of cheating that is the problem and the respect that he brings with or without it.....from X

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  5. It all depends on how close we are. If its a hi bye friend, I certainly won't get involved but if its a dear friend I'll let her know what happening but its only if I know for certain. No point ruining a relationship on 'dem say dem say' (rumours).

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  6. Honestly! I say don't tell. The messenger always ends up being the victim. If the friend is really close or is a relative, I will confront the guy and tell him "You better tell her or I would" in hopes that he would consider his version might be more palatable than mine. And if that doesn't work, then I'll pray for them. I'm yet to see a situation where the messenger didn't end up being the scorned one. Until then, I keep my mouth shut.

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  7. Thanks for your comments FAB people! You've all touched on gd points but I most agree with 'Anonymous 21:45' & Kofsy - I probably will approach the guy and hope he talks to his wife himself. Only diff is if the guy refuses to handle his business and its my family/closest friend...my plan A will desperately need a plan B.

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  8. I say tell... as long as it comes from a good meaning / well intended heart

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  9. As a guy who’s seen women caught in this, I say there are a few things that can come from this.
    1. If your friend is really a good friend (and has sense) then they (the ‘victim’) should know you (the whistle blower) mean them well regardless of the outcome.
    2. You also need to understand that reporting doesn't mean they have to break up with the said partner
    3. The reported partner will most likely be mad at you
    I usually find that 2. is the hardest part to deal with as a whistle blower.

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  10. I beleive a friend should always tell...most times its the manner in which they tell the story that affects people...i have told my friend b4 and he did not beleive me they are still dating now and we are still friends. His girlfriend stopped talking to me but when she noticed i didnt care and my loyalty was to my friend not her she came around. Now we're friends again :). Friends as we grow are hard to find....so if ur going to loose a friend over this...then the friendship is worth nothing i guess. Lovely write up by the way

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  11. The truth always comes out. That's my advice

    I have been in this situation myself, the girl being cheated on. My very good friend told me about the other girl. I confronted my boyfriend at the time but did not tell him who informed me of the other girl. To cut the long story short, I am happy that she told me and we are still very close.

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