Monday, 31 January 2011

TO MOVE IN OR NOT TO MOVE IN...

 
Acting Beauty Editor, Elaine Shobanjo, touches on one that many may relate to.


All week, I had juggled all sorts of possible things to blog about. I knew my time was ticking and my contribution needed to be ready to go live 1st thing Monday morning. By last Wednesday, I was back on 'relationships', having been on 'relationships' on Monday, and 'make up' on Tuesday.

I sat in front of my laptop on Wednesday, working on all sorts of tasks at once, while simultaneously wondering at the back of my mind, what storm I was going to cook up for dinner. I couldn't wait to just sleep (Wow! I respect all working mothers).

You'd think there'll be no room in my brain for any other thoughts, but no! I recalled all sorts of conversations my friends and I had had about dating, men, relationships...you get my drift. It was at this point I knew I was definitely going to blog about relationships.

If my friends are reading this, their hearts must be pounding! ‘What the hell is Elaine about to reveal?” I have amazing friends and what's said in Busaba/Ping Pong, stays in Busaba/Ping Pong. (If you haven't eaten in any of these restaurants in London, you've gotta try them! Yumm!)

My thoughts led me to one fine day, when a bunch of ladies (myself included) gathered for lunch and yummy cocktails and got talking as expected. We touched on all sorts of topics before we hit the issue of guys. I mentioned that I had seen an episode of the US show Married to Rock, where Aj decided to move out of the house she and her boyfriend of 3 years, Billy Duff shared.

Most of the other rock stars in their crew had made wives out of their girlfriends, but Billy seemed unwilling to take that leap. Aj wanted more and had even contemplated proposing to him prior to her moving out (Yes, she bought a ring!).

So our lunch topic shifted to whether or not it was wise to move in with your 'boyfriend' before marriage? Are you shooting yourself in the foot? What if he gets so comfortable with you being 'like' his wife, to the point where he feels he doesn't need to actually pop the question and make it official?

What happens when you've been with a guy for so long and he is of the 'marrying age', well settled in life, but doesn't want to commit further? Do guys hide behind this matter of needing to be millionaires before they can make the commitment to become husbands?

What do you do when your man wants the best of both worlds - a good girl as his woman but still wants to live the life of a bachelor? Leave him and hope for the best? Or pressure him into marrying you and then suffer the consequences later?

I don't know. Men have said that once they meet a woman, they can tell if she's got the potential to be The One. Should there be a maximum on how long it should take to actually get there?

Why should a woman have to live her life thinking of how to mould herself into the ‘marrying type’? Or, do we as women sometimes get trapped in our 'when is he going to take that leap?’ thought process and unconsciously end up breaking up a good thing?

As they say, if it's meant to be...



6 comments:

  1. Hmmm... this is a bit of a toughie Mrs. Sho... As unfortunately, there is no set rule on 'the right thing to do'.. In some cases, men see the live in woman as some one they don't want to live without and pop the question (more in the movies than in reality to be honest).. But at the same time you don't want force a man to pop the question because you think its the 'right time' or you are at the 'right age'.. Cos trust me, that could go south very quickly!

    Every relationship is different and I guess everyone just has to understand and make clear exactly what each party wants before hand (I know, easier said than done) but it saves a lot of drama later on when Mr says I never said I wanted to get married and Ms is left thinking... the bastard lied to me!

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  2. Agreed every relationship is different but many girls go against the grain thinking 'well so and so did it and look they have been married and have kids!'. Unfortunately these cases are usually the exception and not the rule. I believe in open communication meaning only move in if that is what YOU want to do not if you're doing it to 'warm' the brother up to the idea of marriage. And if you have moved in and the guy ain't proposing then talk about it, its not a crime! No need praying to marry a man that you can't share your feelings/thoughts with.
    Again open communication is key!!

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  3. Thanks for your comments guys. xx

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  4. Hmmm nice topic Elaine. I dont thik there is a one size bits all approach to this one. I agree that some communication is necessary. But if the guy is still indecisive, then maybe, just maybe, its time for you to hail a taxi out of that relationship.

    No man who really loves you needs to be 'convinced' into marring you!

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  5. It always cracks me up when i hear guys drop the ''why pay for what you can get for free'' line...
    Please, are we now breeze?
    But silly as it sounds it does make some kon-ko-lo sense.Cz i wont...
    Anyways fellow ladies, I say this in a deep stern voice, BEWARE OF TIME WASTERS!!!

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  6. LOLLL @ Sassie for this line 'are we now breeze?'!! Too funny!
    Indeed one size doesnt fit all Glory...
    I am no expert on the topic...but it rly got me thinking.
    Maybe...just maybe..I do think that some guys hide behind the 'trying to get settled in life' line. You'll see a steady guy in his late 30s saying that same line. Caution me thinks!

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